Well, hi there. You must be curious about the “Catholic Icing lady’s” divorce, or you wouldn’t be here. Perhaps you are contemplating (or are in the middle of) a divorce yourself and you’re looking to relate. Or perhaps you’ve been a reader for years, and you don’t understand how my life can seem so shiny online and then end up like… well like this. After all, wasn’t I the “perfect Catholic mom”? Whatever that means? And don’t Catholics know that divorce is evil? Or maybe you think this is just what happens when you are as charismatic as I am.
Or maybe you’re thinking “Well, I guess someone should have been spending a little less time on blogging and a little more time on her marriage.”
I have heard it all. And if you came to judge, all you need to know is that… well, I too have been on that high horse in the past, only to be tossed down into the mud. No one was more against divorce than me. No one thought divorce was more impossible in her own life than I did. And that’s not meant to scare you, but it’s the truth. I made vows, spent 13 years, and had 4 children with a man that I absolutely knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
The reality is, no one gets married thinking that they’re going to get divorced. And it’s devastating. If you haven’t been through it, you have no idea how devastating it is. It doesn’t mean you’re a quitter. It doesn’t mean you’re not a devoted person. But… it does mean that sometimes others will think those things about you. And it’s humbling. I used to think it was God’s joke in life to make me a writer because I can’t spell. I thought that was how God kept me humble- through typos. Peh. Turns out that God had MUCH bigger plans for my humility than public typos.
So why did I get divorced? Well, those reasons are very personal. There’s a lot that I share about my life here on Catholic Icing, but a good deal I don’t share as well. I have decided that sharing the details about my divorce publicly would not be fair to my children, and it wouldn’t help me to move on and leave the past where it belongs.
Who am I now? Well… our experiences make us who we are, and undergoing a divorce is a big change, so to say it didn’t change me would be a lie. But I’m stronger, and also live a much more peaceful life now. I have a lot more control over my future and the future of my kids, and that’s very good for all of us. I have spent a good deal of time in therapy, at the gym, cuddling with my kids, making art, and weeping at the feet of Jesus. It was transforming. In some ways, I have grown and I’m so strong and independent now. On the flip side of that, there are parts of me that feel scared and jaded. But I’m still a work in progress. I guess I always will be.
I am an artist, and a musician, a daughter of Christ, a mother, a smiler, a crier, a Zumba instructor, and a southerner. I collect bells, I love flip flops, I’m addicted to chap stick, I sing nearly constantly, I love being outside as much as possible, and I always enjoy seeing God’s wonders far more than seeing things that are man made. I am so many things, and so much more than a “divorcé” or a “single mother”. My life isn’t sad. It’s not a failed life. For the paths I walked down, this is where I am now, and me and the kids are making the best of where we are. And it’s a good life.
It has been years now, and things are going very well for us. I actually support myself and the 4 children with Catholic Icing. So as always, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your loyal readership and support. Working from home helps me immensely as a single mother to have a flexible schedule for the kids, and I am blessed beyond belief with this opportunity! The kids spend most of their time with me, and do the every other weekend thing with their dad, so my flexible schedule is everything to me.
I changed my last name back to Lynch even though the kids are still Rabideau. It felt like the right decision for me. I no longer homeschool my children- they are actually currently enrolled in a local charter school, and have adjusted very well to brick and mortar school life.
Breaking a family is an extremely painful process. In some ways, it is like shedding your life the way a snake sheds its skin. Some things just become a part of your old life, and you need to find a new way to live life to be able to move on. Me and the children were blessed with the opportunity to stay in our same house, but I changed, rearranged, and painted absolutely everything. I even sold our furniture online and used the money to buy new used furniture. Why? Because it was simply too painful to continue living in the same house but now without their dad here. Too painful for everyone.
And it was the same with school. We just couldn’t keep trying to live life the same way. We all needed a change. I do miss homeschooling. It was a huge part of who I was, and I was hard on myself while I was doing it, but I loved it very much. And yes, I miss homeschooling. A lot sometimes. But for now, this is what’s right for us.
As much as I would love to help Catholic women in troubling, scary, or otherwise suffering marriages… I’m sorry. I just can’t be the poster child for Catholic divorce. It’s not the story God is asking me to tell you right now. It’s not my calling. God has other plans to utilize my voice in the Catholic community. Art and children’s ministry have always been my passion and calling, and that is actually something that my divorce hasn’t changed.
What I want to say is… thank you. Thank you for sticking with me through what have been the best and worst years of my life. Thank you for continuing to trust in my resources here through my “scandal”. And most of all, thank you for always being here to share the love of our Lord Jesus Christ with me.
As always, walk the narrow path. Love you, ladies!
